Daddy's Tribute to his Late Mom 'My Grand Ma'

Love, Inspiration, Memories.....

Tribute to my mother OTUNBA (MRS) MOJOYINOLA ASHABI SOFOWORA. (OTUN IYALAJE & OTUNBA YEYELORO OF AGO-IWOYE) as she was laid to rest on SATURDAY 17th NOVEMBER, 2012.

MY MOTHER

On Monday 13th August, 2012, Dimeji and I stood by your bedsid

e at LASUTH watching helplessly as you struggled not to leave us. We too did not want you to leave us but it was totally beyond our power, the one that is mightiest than all was ready to take you, to end the struggle, the suffering and give you permanent peace.
The night before you went into coma, I was with you, around 8:30 pm you said you wanted to go and sleep and gave me two wrappers that I should cover you with the wrappers. I covered you with one and turned back to leave but you said I should also cover you with the second wrapper, jokingly I asked if you wanted two wrappers to sleep and you said yes. I didn't immediately know you were bidding Dimeji and myself goodbye and made me perform a final act on behalf of the two of us.

You lived a good life, a life of hard work, a life of achievements, a fulfilled life in all ramification.

You "rose" from a roadside cooked beans seller, to a school food vendor ( I was helping

...but a dream

She laid there peacefully but as still as a rock. I leaned forward to take a closer look at the face that was once warm and full of life; the lips that smiled and words came out from; the eyes that moved and saw things; the ear that once picked up every sound around. My mind went far and I stared even more and said to myself, ''Someday, when I'm veeery old and grey, I'm going to find myself in this same position.'' *Sigh
Its inevitable, a fact we all know but yet we live each day like we are oblivious to the obvious.


Remember the Rhyme?
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

We all sang this rhyme over and over s kids never really thinking of it's true meaning.
I checked it out and discovered what each line meant.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream... The stream is a metaphor for human life; the boat being one's self or a group with which one identifies with. Rowing is the effort we make towards achieving our goals and life dreams; rowing gently is to be content with life, and not demand more from it than we really need. Although, it seems what most people are doing is to seemingly be committed to rowing upstream against the current wanting to be what they are not, forcefully acquiring all they can even at the detriment of those in the boat.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream... This line gives us a new perspective on things: if life is a dream, what is there that is truly solid or lasting that we can hold onto and say, “this is mine—I did this”? There isn’t anything really permanent but an endless flow of change and endless passing back into nothingness. It is simply the way things are.

Life is never a smooth sail but we keep paddling not complaining but fighting every struggle, daring every adventure, fulfilling our purpose, enjoying and loving every bit of it. Life is what we call it; you can tag it with whatever metaphoric title or phrase but be sure that's what you want your life to because we live what we see. So, if you need to adjust your lens and focus on the positives and beauty of life then please do.

It is said that love is stronger that death and what that simply means is that even when the individual is no more, the memories shared, beautiful moments, sacrifices, laughter and selflessness lives on. It remains tattooed boldly upon your heart and forever lingers.


Write up inspired by my late grandmother ''Otunba (Mrs) Ashabi Sofowora
Rest in Peace ma'am

PeaCe!

Life's Plot

I complain a lot of times wishing I was this or that, asking the questions why, when and how? I wish I were taller, prettier, famous, richer; oh yes I wish everything could go just the way I want it to be. Those pictures I have created in my head and with every stroke of my imagination I have drawn each line and shaded each color on all my canvases. These I have carefully arranged showcasing every stage of existence in the gallery of my life. What if I could plan it all out and every step goes just the way I have it listed out? Wouldn't that be great? No surprises, no anxiety, no heartbreaks, no failures; just a smooth sail across the sea of life! Wait a minute! How is it supposed to be fun living a story with a bland weak plot where I already know the end from the beginning?

Things  sometimes get a bit too rough and hazy, it feels like I am  in a maze with so many corners and I'm lost not knowing which route leads out into sunshine, laughter, success, love and everything good I have ever wished for. I sigh, I whine, I curse under my breath, I scream, it gets so bad that I even cry sometimes because I have no clue, no idea of why, when and how. Why can’t life just be as simple as ABC? Why can’t it be a straight line graph taking off from zero heading high up on both the ‘y’ and ‘x’ axis?

You know what? All these how’s, if’s, when’s and how’s are in place just to make me stronger; to make me appreciate the moments I find answers to each and every of those questions. So I choose not to complain anymore but remain thankful for those things that seem little and insignificant because I enjoy their existence freely without hassle and stress so I see them as normal and not a big deal.

I choose to see my life as an adventure with it's uniqueness  and excitements amidst the risks!

I take each day as a blessing and as I take each breath, I relish every bit of my life with so much positivity and boldness!

I’ll enjoy every scene playing out my part excellently well!

…and with so much suspense, anxiety,hope and fun I’ll enjoy every detail of my life!

Action Packed! Suspense Filled! Happy Moments!

Ripples

Words cut deeper than we imagine and is carried on farther than we even envisage. There is always a ripple effect as soon as we blurt them out of our mouth. I have heard so many stories of people missing it out and some even living a life that lacks purpose because someone somewhere whom they looked up to at some point in their life said that they were worthless and wouldn’t be somebody. I see some parents scream at their kids and call them all sorts of names just because of little mistakes being made and the excuse for such utterances and actions being frustration and maybe stress. I know things could just be difficult sometimes and there’s just so much happening that the slightest thing upsets and irritates us.

Her already bright day can be clouded within the twinkle of an eye by just a word you uttered without even thinking. The next minute, you have brushed it aside and even forgotten you called her a moron but that word was immediately rooted in her and she nursed it right from that moment all through the day. These words flow like waves and create ruffles in the subconscious of the individual in question which is eventually displayed in some form and or transferred somehow to the environment or another individual. Sometimes I might be having a bad day and then something that I ordinarily won’t flip at irritates me and then my actions irritate the next person and then the effect goes on.

This effect is not only in the negative context as we can brighten up someone’s mood or day with the words that we speak or actions we display. Sometimes just a smile, hug or pat on the shoulder means so much to an individual that we begin to wonder and say to ourselves, “it was just a hug?” You have no idea what “just a hug” can do. There’s someone out there feeling so lonely and dejected that he begins to contemplate suicide just because no one just sees him and for those that do, it’s all teasing and mockery. We can’t close our eyes to these things because they are real and do happen; maybe not as rampant in our society as I would say that we have developed very thick skins and are ‘die hards’ in our part of the world.  So imagine saying hi to such a soul with a warm smile as you sit beside him on the bus or walk by him in the hallway. You have no idea have far that will go… you just don’t know!

Life is not just about you and therefore, you have to put into consideration the effect of what you say or do beforehand. It’s okay to get angry sometimes but let’s bridle our tongues and pause just for some seconds before saying that nasty word especially when relating with people younger or at a lower cadre than we are.  am guilty of this also because sometimes I get irritated, blurt out some things and then just minutes later I ask myself if I actually had to respond. This is not limited just words as actions could speak a million words even when we don’t utter a thing. So before saying or acting it, just think for a second what ripple effect it could create then you can choose what to and what not to do.

An Afterthought:

…..Know that the world doesn’t revolve around anybody; it rotates on its own and revolves around the sun. We are just in it so I believe we revolve with it. So when someone tells me that the world doesn’t revolve around me, I look at the person and say, “oh yes you’re definitely right, it doesn’t!” *wink *wink

YOU ARE NOT AN ACCIDENT

PERSONALIZING RUSSELL KELFER'S POEM

I am who I am for a reason.

I am part of an intricate plan.

I am a precious and perfect unique design,

called God's special woman (or man).

I look like I look for a reason.

My God made no mistake.

He knit me together within the womb,

I am just what He wanted to make.

The parents I have are the ones he chose,

And no matter how I may feel,

They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,

and they bear the master's seal.

No, that trauma I faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt me so;

But it was allowed to shape my heart

So that into His likeness I would grow.

I am who I am for a reason,

I have been formed by the Master's rod.

I am who I am

Because there is a God!

......nothing in your life is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose

Poem from the Book: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

Our Choice

We had no choice in the decision of what family we were born into. It just happened by chance or maybe we call it destiny or fate; any which way, we had no say in the matter and had no control over where we were placed. Does that make us helpless to what life throws at us and therefore just follow that path wherever it may lead? Sometimes I sit and wonder when I hear people say its destiny and then I say to myself if things are destined to be the way they are, then is there any point striving? Maybe I can just sit, watch and things will just happen the way they had been planned from inception. Even decisions made which led to certain outcomes people still call fate. Oh yes! I believe its fate or destiny either which can be used interchangeably and this is because WE as individuals shape OUR destiny!

Our choices make us who we are and paths a way to a destination that aligns with our thoughts, beliefs, activities and actions. We didn’t choose our place of origin and initial habitat neither did you mould your brain capacity from inception. Decisions made in our growing years were largely by our parents and that also shaped us into what they wanted us to be or what they felt was right and good for us. It definitely did get to a point in our life when we started shaping ourselves bit by bit moulding our destiny. If not appealing to us, we then blame the environment, our background and a host of other excuses. Let’s not get it twisted and actually take charge of who we are and project to be because no matter how much we put the blame on surrounding factors, it is YOU that carry the image and wallow in the situation.

The principle of equifinality explains that a state or goal can be reached by many potential means. A desired situation can be reached from different initial conditions and in different ways. There are therefore different routes in achieving one same destination. All that need be done is to look out for what works depending on our environment as well as the available resources. Nothing should hold us back from turning our potentials into purpose. It’s OUR CHOICE

...look at your life! ...look at your Choices!

03.06.2012

 That last moment one cannot describe

 That last breath, the fear that grips the heart

 Maybe if death could be bribed

 Then a negotiation could have sufficed

 The helplessness; knowing it’s the last

 No warning …no choice to be made

 Death seeps in and cuts off existence

A face that once wore smiles fades

Do we call it chance or maybe destiny

Who knew it was their final destination

Just a split second and it’s all dark

A black Sunday indeed!

I'm short of words but  pray that God almighty cleanses and restores our land.

May the souls of those affected by the Dana Plane Crash Rest in Perfect Peace!

Amen

The Actual ...Our percept

Never judge a book by its cover but yet I was told that I will be addressed the way I am dressed but yet still, people see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth. Therefore, I may judge a book by its cover based on how appealing it is and yet only see what I want to see. It looks good, all shinny and attractive but having it at the back of my mind that although it may glitter doesn’t actually make it gold.

When I walk into a bookstore I would normally pick up books that appeal to me first and this is in terms of the cover, print, colours and the total package before I check out the Author and then the content. In this order, I have already eliminated those that I do not find visually appealing and those would definitely 
not be in the league to be chosen from. Based on this, I do believe that in order to be seen in the perspective we hope to be seen, it is imperative that we project a surface that already gives a hint of what the inside would be. A reflection of what you have on the surface is what the mirror depicts and people believe you are what they see you as rather than what they do not see. I would or wouldn’t judge a book based on how battered is on the surface while browsing a library. The now battered book was once clean and crisp before it got sheltered in the library. This is as a result of many months and years of usage with different people flipping through the pages at various intervals. Serving them when they needed it the most for the purpose they were published for!

Medically, to check what you have going on inside even when the surface seems normal, sometimes require more than just a peripheral diagnosis. This is where procedures like x-ray, MRI, radiography, ultrasound to mention a few come in handy.  We love people who represent the ideal, the imperfectly perfect, the happy, the successful, the glitz and the positively contagious in life. I’m not saying those people don’t exist, they just don’t exist as much as we think they do because there are so many glittering personalities out there that inspire us so much to the extent that we lose the fact that’s behind the picture. They are probably falling apart now and then; smiling but screaming and confused deep down.  A lot of information reaches the eyes first and we mostly find ourselves having a first impression of what our sight interprets and would most times make inferences or decisions based on that.

What captures the real us? What we have embedded, our nature, our values, our attitude, who we really are! Well, one thing I know is that scratching the surface, so many hidden things are discovered and the truth is we can’t dig it all up. What we think, What we say, What we do and How we are perceived isn’t always a straight line graph where all the 4 dots link up. Sometimes there is a disconnect which is as a result of string of events and circumstances not known to the eye but eats deep within the individual in question.

What you see isn’t always what it seems

What you get, not always what you crave

What you desire, you think you need

What you need, maybe you have not a clue

what we believe, we choose to!

...Hajeeke

Multi Moods ...One Individual

One person... Varying feelings and moods... Different phases or periods...

Sometimes I’m high

Other times I feel low

Sometimes it’s like I know

Other times I feel so lost

So many things I dream to be

Hustling so hard aiming for the price

Adrenalin pumping as I run the race

I see it’s a marathon with endless laps

The passion inside displayed on my face

Fearlessly I press on even though I’m zapped

I jump the hurdles remaining on track

The finish line I know I aim to brace

So I keep moving no matter what phase

I look around and none in sight

The loudness of the silence building my fright

The chill from the night engulfing my being

Wishing there was someone to share some heat

I sometimes just want to take a flight

When it seems like I’ve got no clue

Head clamped between my palms, Intermittently I sigh

Hoping that one day I’ll wear a smile

Like a million dollar girl I cruise around town

Feeling so confident with my dreams

I feel like I’m royal, I know I’m blessed

I speak with so much floss

Not knowing any less

Flooded with Euphoria as I take each step

I know what I want

I flaunt what I’ve got

Roaming aimlessly I think I lost my way

Turn left? Turn right? I ask myself

Stuck in the middle of nowhere I stand confused

Needing a compass to lead the way

As the night draws neigh I can feel the weight

Anxiety making my sweat so profuse

My destination i think I know somehow

But the route to take I can’t just say

....but sometimes I’m high

Other times I feel low

Sometimes it’s like I know

Other times I feel so lost

The Laws of Motion

Not to worry, this is not a physics work note and it’s surprising even to me that I chose to do this write up using my high school physics residual knowledge considering the fact that I never liked the course and had my lowest grades in it. I just never developed any interest in it; maybe because of my teacher who was never patient to explain. It was like she just had it all crammed up in her head and poured it all out on the board.  On the other hand, maybe just maybe I was just lazy to go the extra mile to learn and understand the basics.

Do have a good read!

Newton first law of motion states that, “An object stays at rest and one in motion stays in motion with the same velocity unless acted upon by an external force.”  I see the laws of motion beyond just the peripheral of what it depicts but relate it to our daily activities, life decisions and actions. Have you ever sat down and asked yourself why things just remain the same and you never seem to stand out or go beyond status quo? The problem most of us face is the resistance to change which is also referred to as ‘Inertia’. This is because we are afraid and therefore remain in our comfort zone doing the same things, walking the exact same route, singing the same songs and blowing the same trumpet. We indulge in the same activities and expect a difference but hey! Where is that expected to emanate from?

Why do we find it difficult to change what we are already comfortable with? The major reason and obstacle is FEAR. Fear happens to be a basic survival mechanism embedded in us therefore being a part of our existence and life. This makes overcoming it a major battle we all have to fight all the time. It is that little voice inside that keeps telling you reasons why you cannot do it, why you shouldn’t take that step, make that big decision, say something or even be with someone. We all face it but the ability to control and master our fear is what matters. The total absence of fear could be suicidal because then you just take up decisions and do things without having a thought on the negative consequences. Fear can therefore be good in an instance where you are afraid that things may go crashing down if you do nothing then it triggers you to act.

When we act, how far or rather how effectively we attain our goals is dependent on the amount of energy, drive, time and other required resources we invest in it while the fear of failure and pessimism stands as a mass to weigh us down therefore pulling us back. This is explained by the second law which states that, “The acceleration of a body is parallel and directly proportional to the force exerted and inversely proportional to the mass.” If all you see is defeat and all you do is accept it even before you try then that is what you will always get because that fear and acceptance of failure keeps acting as a weight that impedes your progression. There have been some points in our lives when we wished we were bigger, smaller, prettier, richer, cooler e.t.c. We sometimes even wish we were from a different continent and that if it was so, we would be better people. That’s not true, it’s because we already have all those negativity in our subconscious that things don’t really work out. Its better we begin to focus on our goals and how to get them achieved while lifting fear and the excuses that make us stagnant.

 I would also, like us to realize that things are not as simple as we view from the surface, it’s never just one-sided. To every action, there is always an equal and opposite reaction. When we put in so much energy and passion into something and then eventually attain our desired result there is always an opposite reaction. Some of which are, sleepless nights when you have to burn the midnight candle to attain success; muscle strains and pains when you exercise to lose some weight; headaches when you have to stare at your monitor for hours when preparing a presentation; unable to buy those designer wears and bags because you are saving up to pay for a degree; a mother crying and moaning because she is going though so much pain in order to bear a child. I could go on and on and on but I know we all get the whole gist. So, whenever force is exerted towards achieving a goal, there is an opposite force which bounces back at us from the process of getting the goal achieved.

It takes a strong will and the strength to wade through the challenges that come our way. No one is too little or too insignificant to make a mark or create a lasting positive effect both personally and the world at large.

It all starts with that first push!

They'll Talk Anyway

I read this somewhere and thought to share. It's an old story we are all familiar with especially those that have listened to the Ebenezer Obey's hit song that also tells this story: 

Trying to please everyone

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked: "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? In life, if you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your dreams good-bye.

In life, I have come to understand that you just cannot please everybody and the more you give a damn about what everyone has to say about things you do and steps you take, then you'll keep living their lives and not yours. We are all different and unique and therefore would follow different paths and live life the best way it works for us. I'm not saying we have to be rebels or a deviance to the society; there are certain norms and ways of life we need to follow as long as we are able to still keep our identity and remain true to ourselves. We do not want to be a shadow of who we truly are and then become unfulfilled just because we do not want to be looked at as different.  Just like a puppet on a string that ends up boxed up and put away once the show is over while everyone else moves on with life! Don't you know that people will talk anyway, whether or not you do it so why not just do what you want to do the best way you think you can and be happy with yourself. Do not get stuck moving in circles trying to please everyone while you end up tired and lost!

Also, looking at this from your own angle; you definitely talk about and even criticize others don’t you? Haven’t you seen people do things differently and society including YOU frowns at them but in the end they come out celebrated? Take a cue and keep minding your business and do not be intimidated by all the negative voices around you.

Always be the YOU that you are most proud of — that’s the authentic you; the closer you can get to the true you, the happier and more fulfilled you will be. Accept people for who they are not forgetting to accept yourself without judgment as you are.

When you try to please everybody, in the end, you won't please anybody