Self Actualization

The realization of one’s full potential is the highest point or level of satisfaction any human being can attain. According to Abraham Maslow hierarchy of needs, the stages of growth of needs in every individual move from psychological to safety then belongingness / love to esteem and finally self-actualization. This is a theory every management student or professional is familiar with and when we look at ourselves we find out it actually is true.  The most confusing thing which I fail to understand is that  lot of people never seem to attain self-actualization not because they are not successful in our own definition of success but due to so many factors but I’ll focus on 2.

Not Knowing Thyself: We a lot of times think we know who we are but we are just going through life skimming the surface of our identities. We are always on the move and do not even try to take some time out to look at our thoughts, behaviours, drive and emotions and asking the question, “Why am I wired the way I am?” Self-exploration involves not starring at the man in the mirror but actually going as far as having an X-Ray and MRI of the man. Digging beneath the surface into the roots of who we is what can make us achieve self-actualization and that is because it is the radar that prompts us when we get that point. We are able to identify, beat our chest and boldly say we are fulfilled.

When you fail to discover yourself, you end up living a life that is not yours and it would be a herculean task to achieve self-actualization. It isn’t necessarily by the extent of your wealth, career progression or fame but for some, it could be and that is why you see people whom you never expect to go into drugs or commit suicide doing such. It varies from individual to individual and is peculiar to you and until you make peace accepting and loving who you are, yo
u’ll never be content with what you have because what you have might apparently not align with who you are.

Low Self Esteem: In the hierarchy of needs, self-esteem comes before self-actualization and once that step is missed or rather that need is not met, you can never feel fulfilled in anyway. All you ever see is the negativities, inadequacies and feeling of unworthiness of your own existence. What is your overall emotional evaluation of your own worth? How are you able to fulfil your purpose when all you ever say is:

I am ugly, fat and do not know why anyone would want to marry me!

What can’t I be like him or her; I have nothing to offer!

I cannot fit in ‘cos I aint as intelligent as those in the room!

A lot of factors influence self-esteem some of which are:

• Your definition of YOU
• How others respond or react to YOU
• Culture
• Religion
• Life experiences especially while growing up
• Disability or an illness

This takes us back to safety and belongingness/love; once those needs are not met while growing up or at some point in life, it can affect your self-worth as an individual and if care isn’t taken, you live each day in the shadow of the vacuum from your past, family, experiences, disabilities and culture. You know what, YOU and only you truly define who you are and give people the permission to treat you the way they do.

India Arie is one artiste I so much adore because of what her music stands for and what it preaches. I’ll steal some lines from the song titled Video:

…Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be

I know that God created and made no mistake on me

I’m not the average girl from the video

And I aint built like a super model

But I learnt to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen

My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes

No matter what I’m wearing I will always be Inda Arie…

What you say to your self determines how far you go because every word you speak represents every stroke of the brush and paints the picture of what your life looks like. Your thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem and these thoughts are within your control. If you tend to focus on your weaknesses or flaws, you can learn to reframe negative thoughts and focus instead on your positive qualities. So, watch it!