Self Actualization

The realization of one’s full potential is the highest point or level of satisfaction any human being can attain. According to Abraham Maslow hierarchy of needs, the stages of growth of needs in every individual move from psychological to safety then belongingness / love to esteem and finally self-actualization. This is a theory every management student or professional is familiar with and when we look at ourselves we find out it actually is true.  The most confusing thing which I fail to understand is that  lot of people never seem to attain self-actualization not because they are not successful in our own definition of success but due to so many factors but I’ll focus on 2.

Not Knowing Thyself: We a lot of times think we know who we are but we are just going through life skimming the surface of our identities. We are always on the move and do not even try to take some time out to look at our thoughts, behaviours, drive and emotions and asking the question, “Why am I wired the way I am?” Self-exploration involves not starring at the man in the mirror but actually going as far as having an X-Ray and MRI of the man. Digging beneath the surface into the roots of who we is what can make us achieve self-actualization and that is because it is the radar that prompts us when we get that point. We are able to identify, beat our chest and boldly say we are fulfilled.

When you fail to discover yourself, you end up living a life that is not yours and it would be a herculean task to achieve self-actualization. It isn’t necessarily by the extent of your wealth, career progression or fame but for some, it could be and that is why you see people whom you never expect to go into drugs or commit suicide doing such. It varies from individual to individual and is peculiar to you and until you make peace accepting and loving who you are, yo
u’ll never be content with what you have because what you have might apparently not align with who you are.

Low Self Esteem: In the hierarchy of needs, self-esteem comes before self-actualization and once that step is missed or rather that need is not met, you can never feel fulfilled in anyway. All you ever see is the negativities, inadequacies and feeling of unworthiness of your own existence. What is your overall emotional evaluation of your own worth? How are you able to fulfil your purpose when all you ever say is:

I am ugly, fat and do not know why anyone would want to marry me!

What can’t I be like him or her; I have nothing to offer!

I cannot fit in ‘cos I aint as intelligent as those in the room!

A lot of factors influence self-esteem some of which are:

• Your definition of YOU
• How others respond or react to YOU
• Culture
• Religion
• Life experiences especially while growing up
• Disability or an illness

This takes us back to safety and belongingness/love; once those needs are not met while growing up or at some point in life, it can affect your self-worth as an individual and if care isn’t taken, you live each day in the shadow of the vacuum from your past, family, experiences, disabilities and culture. You know what, YOU and only you truly define who you are and give people the permission to treat you the way they do.

India Arie is one artiste I so much adore because of what her music stands for and what it preaches. I’ll steal some lines from the song titled Video:

…Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be

I know that God created and made no mistake on me

I’m not the average girl from the video

And I aint built like a super model

But I learnt to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen

My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes

No matter what I’m wearing I will always be Inda Arie…

What you say to your self determines how far you go because every word you speak represents every stroke of the brush and paints the picture of what your life looks like. Your thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem and these thoughts are within your control. If you tend to focus on your weaknesses or flaws, you can learn to reframe negative thoughts and focus instead on your positive qualities. So, watch it!

FOCUS - The strategy

A series on Focus. 1 (One)

I attended an exhibition sometime last week and there was this guy that caught my attention. Every company present exhibited various branded items which were well arranged at their stands. I looked at his stand and saw just a brochure and 2 different sizes of a similar item. At first I was like ‘aaaaaw’ thinking to myself that maybe he didn’t know he was supposed to show case a wide range of branded gift items that his company could offer. Maybe it’s just psychological, I just couldn’t place a finger on what happened but as various decision makers walked across each table, they at first wouldn’t notice him but he'll then call for their attention. Once he gets their attention, he begins to sell that one product and they end up writing it down as something they would love the company to order. Every other exhibitor that had so much to show couldn’t sell it all and had 1, 2 or none selected.

I think what happened there was the power of focus as everyone had no choice than to concentrate on that one product and because that was all he had, maybe there was a little sentiment attached I can’t be precise but they somehow had to like it. Sometimes in life, we want to dabble into so many things and end up mastering none. Have you thought it through and identified that one thing that is dear to your heart and would find yourself doing even if money wasn’t involved. What about nurturing it and concentrating on that ability or following through that course until successful. Sometimes you might look stupid and out of place; just like the guy who had those 2 similar items on his table while others had a wide range of items to showcase. What matters is who and who got an order after the exhibition and if everyone wrote down his product there is a high probability of him getting a purchase order. Did I mention earlier that he was the only individual with that particular type of item? Yes and that was another edge he had.

Have you ever been at a buffet where so much was laid out and you had served your plate full before discovering there were mashed potatoes at the end of the table but you had taken rice instead and had to make do with that? Maybe if you had walked round the table first to take a peek at everything available and already have a mental note of what and what you will be having.

Always evaluate things and try to focus, get a grip on whatever you might be doing. Also you do not want to confuse your audience, target market and even your spouse by putting so much out there at the same time. Even if it is that one thing you’ve got, create a competitive edge around it, pamper it, nourish it and confidently put it out there for all to see. Do not clutter your life and head with so much that you find it almost impossible to just focus; you are here, there and everywhere. Today you tell me you’re an events planner, I see you in 3 months and you now sell shoes & dresses, few months down the line, you are taking up make up classes as that’s the new line you want to explore. You are clueless and haven’t been able to get a grip on what you should be focusing on.

I’m not against diversification as this is a strategy that may be required at some point in any business but before taking that step, you have to be a master of what you’ve got at the moment if not, you’ll just mess things all up. This applies to even the decisions we make as individuals. You cannot just place too much on the table at the same time else you lose focus and get it all twisted. I understand everyone is on the fast pace and we just want to work on so many things to increase our earning power and live a better life but never ever forget the power of FOCUS.

Cheers!