Maturity

My dad sent me this piece and I thought it cool to share

Maturity is many things. It is the ability to base a judgment on the big picture, the long haul.
It means being able to resist the urge for immediate gratification and opt for the course of action that will pay off later.

One of the characteristics of the young is “I want it now.”
Grown-up people can wait.

Maturity is perseverance–the ability to sweat out a project or a situation, in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks, and stick with it until it is finished.

The adult who is constantly changing friends and changing mates is immature. He/she cannot stick it out because he/she has not grown up.

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. The mature person can face unpleasantness, frustration, discomfort and defeat without collapsing or complaining. He/she knows he cannot have everything his/her own way every time. He/she is able to defer to circumstances, to other people-and to time. He/she knows when to compromise and is not too proud to do so.

Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, “I was wrong.” And, when he/she is right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so.”

Maturity is the ability to live up to your responsibilities, and this means being dependable. It means keeping your word. Dependability is the hallmark of integrity. Do you mean what you say-and do you say what you mean? Unfortunately, the world is filled with people who cannot be counted on. When you need them most, they are among the missing. They never seem to come through in the clutches. They break promises and substitute alibis for performance. They show up late or not at all. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a chaotic maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize. They are always a day late and a dollar short.

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. Immature people spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then doing nothing. Action requires courage. Without courage, little is accomplished.

Maturity is the ability to harness your abilities and your energies and do more than is expected. The mature person refuses to settle for mediocrity. He/she would rather aim high and miss the mark than low-and make it.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which cannot be changed, the courage to change that which should be changed, no matter what it takes, and the wisdom to know the difference.


xx

Self Actualization

The realization of one’s full potential is the highest point or level of satisfaction any human being can attain. According to Abraham Maslow hierarchy of needs, the stages of growth of needs in every individual move from psychological to safety then belongingness / love to esteem and finally self-actualization. This is a theory every management student or professional is familiar with and when we look at ourselves we find out it actually is true.  The most confusing thing which I fail to understand is that  lot of people never seem to attain self-actualization not because they are not successful in our own definition of success but due to so many factors but I’ll focus on 2.

Not Knowing Thyself: We a lot of times think we know who we are but we are just going through life skimming the surface of our identities. We are always on the move and do not even try to take some time out to look at our thoughts, behaviours, drive and emotions and asking the question, “Why am I wired the way I am?” Self-exploration involves not starring at the man in the mirror but actually going as far as having an X-Ray and MRI of the man. Digging beneath the surface into the roots of who we is what can make us achieve self-actualization and that is because it is the radar that prompts us when we get that point. We are able to identify, beat our chest and boldly say we are fulfilled.

When you fail to discover yourself, you end up living a life that is not yours and it would be a herculean task to achieve self-actualization. It isn’t necessarily by the extent of your wealth, career progression or fame but for some, it could be and that is why you see people whom you never expect to go into drugs or commit suicide doing such. It varies from individual to individual and is peculiar to you and until you make peace accepting and loving who you are, yo
u’ll never be content with what you have because what you have might apparently not align with who you are.

Low Self Esteem: In the hierarchy of needs, self-esteem comes before self-actualization and once that step is missed or rather that need is not met, you can never feel fulfilled in anyway. All you ever see is the negativities, inadequacies and feeling of unworthiness of your own existence. What is your overall emotional evaluation of your own worth? How are you able to fulfil your purpose when all you ever say is:

I am ugly, fat and do not know why anyone would want to marry me!

What can’t I be like him or her; I have nothing to offer!

I cannot fit in ‘cos I aint as intelligent as those in the room!

A lot of factors influence self-esteem some of which are:

• Your definition of YOU
• How others respond or react to YOU
• Culture
• Religion
• Life experiences especially while growing up
• Disability or an illness

This takes us back to safety and belongingness/love; once those needs are not met while growing up or at some point in life, it can affect your self-worth as an individual and if care isn’t taken, you live each day in the shadow of the vacuum from your past, family, experiences, disabilities and culture. You know what, YOU and only you truly define who you are and give people the permission to treat you the way they do.

India Arie is one artiste I so much adore because of what her music stands for and what it preaches. I’ll steal some lines from the song titled Video:

…Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be

I know that God created and made no mistake on me

I’m not the average girl from the video

And I aint built like a super model

But I learnt to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen

My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes

No matter what I’m wearing I will always be Inda Arie…

What you say to your self determines how far you go because every word you speak represents every stroke of the brush and paints the picture of what your life looks like. Your thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem and these thoughts are within your control. If you tend to focus on your weaknesses or flaws, you can learn to reframe negative thoughts and focus instead on your positive qualities. So, watch it!

FOCUS - The strategy

A series on Focus. 1 (One)

I attended an exhibition sometime last week and there was this guy that caught my attention. Every company present exhibited various branded items which were well arranged at their stands. I looked at his stand and saw just a brochure and 2 different sizes of a similar item. At first I was like ‘aaaaaw’ thinking to myself that maybe he didn’t know he was supposed to show case a wide range of branded gift items that his company could offer. Maybe it’s just psychological, I just couldn’t place a finger on what happened but as various decision makers walked across each table, they at first wouldn’t notice him but he'll then call for their attention. Once he gets their attention, he begins to sell that one product and they end up writing it down as something they would love the company to order. Every other exhibitor that had so much to show couldn’t sell it all and had 1, 2 or none selected.

I think what happened there was the power of focus as everyone had no choice than to concentrate on that one product and because that was all he had, maybe there was a little sentiment attached I can’t be precise but they somehow had to like it. Sometimes in life, we want to dabble into so many things and end up mastering none. Have you thought it through and identified that one thing that is dear to your heart and would find yourself doing even if money wasn’t involved. What about nurturing it and concentrating on that ability or following through that course until successful. Sometimes you might look stupid and out of place; just like the guy who had those 2 similar items on his table while others had a wide range of items to showcase. What matters is who and who got an order after the exhibition and if everyone wrote down his product there is a high probability of him getting a purchase order. Did I mention earlier that he was the only individual with that particular type of item? Yes and that was another edge he had.

Have you ever been at a buffet where so much was laid out and you had served your plate full before discovering there were mashed potatoes at the end of the table but you had taken rice instead and had to make do with that? Maybe if you had walked round the table first to take a peek at everything available and already have a mental note of what and what you will be having.

Always evaluate things and try to focus, get a grip on whatever you might be doing. Also you do not want to confuse your audience, target market and even your spouse by putting so much out there at the same time. Even if it is that one thing you’ve got, create a competitive edge around it, pamper it, nourish it and confidently put it out there for all to see. Do not clutter your life and head with so much that you find it almost impossible to just focus; you are here, there and everywhere. Today you tell me you’re an events planner, I see you in 3 months and you now sell shoes & dresses, few months down the line, you are taking up make up classes as that’s the new line you want to explore. You are clueless and haven’t been able to get a grip on what you should be focusing on.

I’m not against diversification as this is a strategy that may be required at some point in any business but before taking that step, you have to be a master of what you’ve got at the moment if not, you’ll just mess things all up. This applies to even the decisions we make as individuals. You cannot just place too much on the table at the same time else you lose focus and get it all twisted. I understand everyone is on the fast pace and we just want to work on so many things to increase our earning power and live a better life but never ever forget the power of FOCUS.

Cheers!

The connecting Dream

When people share success stories and achievements with you, what’s your reaction? The way you react deep down is actually as a function of how you are living your life. You are resentful and envious if you are not exactly living your dreams but on the other hand celebrate with them because you are a fulfilled being.

During the course of the night while you are asleep and even sometimes when you nap during the day, far away in ‘La La Land’ some activities take place while we are unconscious. These successions of ideas, emotions and activities that occur involuntarily in our mind are DREAMS. They will either be memorable with a clear picture of every scene, less vivid or totally forgotten. There are times when I actually have to close my eyes and make a conscious effort to vividly remember some dreams else, they would just fade into oblivion.

We were all born with potentials and innate abilities. These are things we are capable yet to be existent or alive and would only birth a dream and purpose if only we make a conscious effort to. First of all, we have to come into realization of what we have, accept and embrace it not comparing and wishing for that which we do not have invested in us. Note that it has to be your potentials and not you wanting to be someone else less you miss the right purpose and end up dreaming dreams that are not yours. The ability to know helps carve out the right purpose and with the right frame of mind, your dreams becomes clear and real. Your dream connects the dots linking your potentials to your purpose. The mind involuntarily dwells on what it is aware of without stress and that molds the inspiration of purpose discovery. 

Take some time out to do some soul searching reflecting on what you’ve got in here channeling it towards something out of the ordinary.

Are you living the life of your dreams?

Are your dreams in alignment with your potentials and life purpose?

Live life in the fullness of yourself never forgetting you are unique in your own way.

Knowledge is light! Get in the know and step out of the darkness called ignorance

"Be who you were created to be, and you will set the world on fire"

St. Catherine of Sienna

First Times

There’s always a first time for everything we do in life.  Some we recollect and some we don’t. For everything we do so effortlessly now, there was a first time. On the first attempt we were maybe nervous, indifferent or excited about it but then, it was a big deal.

Remember your first kiss or was it the first time you drove a car which seemed like such a herculean task and you could almost have had a heart attack!. What about the first day at work on your first job? Gosh! You were so shy and everything felt strange. You were excited and looked forward to building a career as well as gain independence. I was so ecstatic the first day I permed my kinky hair back in 2001, when I just concluded High School.  My mum allowed me perm my hair; it was like I was crossing over from childhood into adulthood and I felt so good about it. So many first times and I could go on and on. All these things have now become normal and I do them without any form of nervousness, fear or excitement. Going to the salon to have a perm is a routine that takes place about every quarter and I attach no form of importance to it.

I ask myself, what if there are no more first times for anything and all I do is basically the same thing which becomes a routine. You know it gets to a point whereby nothing seems new again and then life becomes just like a broken record; it plays and repeats itself over and over and over again. What if I keep trying new things, visit somewhere I have never been to each year, cook a meal  have never had before, take up a course out of my turf,  be adventurous and look out for something different? Maybe then I can keep having a continuous loop of first times which never ends.

The first time you fell in love, it felt like that was the only one person in the whole wide world you could be with. Well, just only a very little percentage of people get married to their first love and what then did you do when you got heartbroken? Oh yes, you cried, you screamed, you sulked, you hated but yet still, you moved on after some time and maybe even fell in love again. Again, your heart broke and then you repeated the process all over again. Maybe you forgave maybe not but you moved on and loved somebody else even after the previous went bad.

I am not afraid to try something new, there’s nothing to it and there are 2 options; I love it or I don’t; it goes well or it doesn’t but the bottom line is that I tried anyway. From my point of view, I just feel that it makes life exciting and less monotonous when we consciously push away our fears as well as walls we have built around us and try something we have never done before.

Although, only few things in the world are novelty but the fact is everyone gets the chance to experience it for the first time and feel or learn something different. The first times always seems the hardest but take a chance and do it anyway!         

Daddy's Tribute to his Late Mom 'My Grand Ma'

Love, Inspiration, Memories.....

Tribute to my mother OTUNBA (MRS) MOJOYINOLA ASHABI SOFOWORA. (OTUN IYALAJE & OTUNBA YEYELORO OF AGO-IWOYE) as she was laid to rest on SATURDAY 17th NOVEMBER, 2012.

MY MOTHER

On Monday 13th August, 2012, Dimeji and I stood by your bedsid

e at LASUTH watching helplessly as you struggled not to leave us. We too did not want you to leave us but it was totally beyond our power, the one that is mightiest than all was ready to take you, to end the struggle, the suffering and give you permanent peace.
The night before you went into coma, I was with you, around 8:30 pm you said you wanted to go and sleep and gave me two wrappers that I should cover you with the wrappers. I covered you with one and turned back to leave but you said I should also cover you with the second wrapper, jokingly I asked if you wanted two wrappers to sleep and you said yes. I didn't immediately know you were bidding Dimeji and myself goodbye and made me perform a final act on behalf of the two of us.

You lived a good life, a life of hard work, a life of achievements, a fulfilled life in all ramification.

You "rose" from a roadside cooked beans seller, to a school food vendor ( I was helping

...but a dream

She laid there peacefully but as still as a rock. I leaned forward to take a closer look at the face that was once warm and full of life; the lips that smiled and words came out from; the eyes that moved and saw things; the ear that once picked up every sound around. My mind went far and I stared even more and said to myself, ''Someday, when I'm veeery old and grey, I'm going to find myself in this same position.'' *Sigh
Its inevitable, a fact we all know but yet we live each day like we are oblivious to the obvious.


Remember the Rhyme?
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

We all sang this rhyme over and over s kids never really thinking of it's true meaning.
I checked it out and discovered what each line meant.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream... The stream is a metaphor for human life; the boat being one's self or a group with which one identifies with. Rowing is the effort we make towards achieving our goals and life dreams; rowing gently is to be content with life, and not demand more from it than we really need. Although, it seems what most people are doing is to seemingly be committed to rowing upstream against the current wanting to be what they are not, forcefully acquiring all they can even at the detriment of those in the boat.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream... This line gives us a new perspective on things: if life is a dream, what is there that is truly solid or lasting that we can hold onto and say, “this is mine—I did this”? There isn’t anything really permanent but an endless flow of change and endless passing back into nothingness. It is simply the way things are.

Life is never a smooth sail but we keep paddling not complaining but fighting every struggle, daring every adventure, fulfilling our purpose, enjoying and loving every bit of it. Life is what we call it; you can tag it with whatever metaphoric title or phrase but be sure that's what you want your life to because we live what we see. So, if you need to adjust your lens and focus on the positives and beauty of life then please do.

It is said that love is stronger that death and what that simply means is that even when the individual is no more, the memories shared, beautiful moments, sacrifices, laughter and selflessness lives on. It remains tattooed boldly upon your heart and forever lingers.


Write up inspired by my late grandmother ''Otunba (Mrs) Ashabi Sofowora
Rest in Peace ma'am

PeaCe!

Life's Plot

I complain a lot of times wishing I was this or that, asking the questions why, when and how? I wish I were taller, prettier, famous, richer; oh yes I wish everything could go just the way I want it to be. Those pictures I have created in my head and with every stroke of my imagination I have drawn each line and shaded each color on all my canvases. These I have carefully arranged showcasing every stage of existence in the gallery of my life. What if I could plan it all out and every step goes just the way I have it listed out? Wouldn't that be great? No surprises, no anxiety, no heartbreaks, no failures; just a smooth sail across the sea of life! Wait a minute! How is it supposed to be fun living a story with a bland weak plot where I already know the end from the beginning?

Things  sometimes get a bit too rough and hazy, it feels like I am  in a maze with so many corners and I'm lost not knowing which route leads out into sunshine, laughter, success, love and everything good I have ever wished for. I sigh, I whine, I curse under my breath, I scream, it gets so bad that I even cry sometimes because I have no clue, no idea of why, when and how. Why can’t life just be as simple as ABC? Why can’t it be a straight line graph taking off from zero heading high up on both the ‘y’ and ‘x’ axis?

You know what? All these how’s, if’s, when’s and how’s are in place just to make me stronger; to make me appreciate the moments I find answers to each and every of those questions. So I choose not to complain anymore but remain thankful for those things that seem little and insignificant because I enjoy their existence freely without hassle and stress so I see them as normal and not a big deal.

I choose to see my life as an adventure with it's uniqueness  and excitements amidst the risks!

I take each day as a blessing and as I take each breath, I relish every bit of my life with so much positivity and boldness!

I’ll enjoy every scene playing out my part excellently well!

…and with so much suspense, anxiety,hope and fun I’ll enjoy every detail of my life!

Action Packed! Suspense Filled! Happy Moments!

Ripples

Words cut deeper than we imagine and is carried on farther than we even envisage. There is always a ripple effect as soon as we blurt them out of our mouth. I have heard so many stories of people missing it out and some even living a life that lacks purpose because someone somewhere whom they looked up to at some point in their life said that they were worthless and wouldn’t be somebody. I see some parents scream at their kids and call them all sorts of names just because of little mistakes being made and the excuse for such utterances and actions being frustration and maybe stress. I know things could just be difficult sometimes and there’s just so much happening that the slightest thing upsets and irritates us.

Her already bright day can be clouded within the twinkle of an eye by just a word you uttered without even thinking. The next minute, you have brushed it aside and even forgotten you called her a moron but that word was immediately rooted in her and she nursed it right from that moment all through the day. These words flow like waves and create ruffles in the subconscious of the individual in question which is eventually displayed in some form and or transferred somehow to the environment or another individual. Sometimes I might be having a bad day and then something that I ordinarily won’t flip at irritates me and then my actions irritate the next person and then the effect goes on.

This effect is not only in the negative context as we can brighten up someone’s mood or day with the words that we speak or actions we display. Sometimes just a smile, hug or pat on the shoulder means so much to an individual that we begin to wonder and say to ourselves, “it was just a hug?” You have no idea what “just a hug” can do. There’s someone out there feeling so lonely and dejected that he begins to contemplate suicide just because no one just sees him and for those that do, it’s all teasing and mockery. We can’t close our eyes to these things because they are real and do happen; maybe not as rampant in our society as I would say that we have developed very thick skins and are ‘die hards’ in our part of the world.  So imagine saying hi to such a soul with a warm smile as you sit beside him on the bus or walk by him in the hallway. You have no idea have far that will go… you just don’t know!

Life is not just about you and therefore, you have to put into consideration the effect of what you say or do beforehand. It’s okay to get angry sometimes but let’s bridle our tongues and pause just for some seconds before saying that nasty word especially when relating with people younger or at a lower cadre than we are.  am guilty of this also because sometimes I get irritated, blurt out some things and then just minutes later I ask myself if I actually had to respond. This is not limited just words as actions could speak a million words even when we don’t utter a thing. So before saying or acting it, just think for a second what ripple effect it could create then you can choose what to and what not to do.

An Afterthought:

…..Know that the world doesn’t revolve around anybody; it rotates on its own and revolves around the sun. We are just in it so I believe we revolve with it. So when someone tells me that the world doesn’t revolve around me, I look at the person and say, “oh yes you’re definitely right, it doesn’t!” *wink *wink